The Finale : Suicide

Tonight I am a poet using words to express you
(as if I could find the rhyme or reason of you)

Tonight I am a painter making brushstrokes to capture the look of you(as if I could bring the colour back to you)

Tonight I am a musician playing the heartbeat of you

(as if I could find the rhythm of you)

Tonight I am a sculptor carving the touch and hold of you
(as if I could breathe the blood back into you)

 Tonight I am a dancer flying through space the eagle part of you

(as if I could fly off and be with you)

Tonight I am a perfume maker mixing up the smell of you
(as if I could capture the essence of you) 

Tonight I am a witch wildly dancing under the moon for you
(as if I could invoke the very spirit of you)

Tonight I am a mother crying a mother’s tears for you
(as if I could ever fill the gaping chasm of you)
 Tonight I feel so very small by the enormous loss of you

Good bye cruel world, I won't probably say thanks for having a long life like this.

Instantly emptying

I broke up with myself I don't know who I am I'm mentally stressed and tired Lonely asf and numb and empty, and honesty just need a big hug. I'm so lonely dat when people try to talk to me it gets in my nerves or i think they're just doing it out of port or something. Nobody cares.. Sorry just had to get dat out. I can help others but not myself. In a constant empty mindset. At the point where i don't care if live or die tbh...

BLISSFUL OBLIVION

I often wish that I was still a child.

So many things change when we grow up.

Innocence becomes lost,

days become shorter,

the nighttime still scares me,

playing house becomes a game of survival,

boys become men, men become frightening,

I become sad, worried, anxious, and self-aware,

friends will lose their half of the necklace or their friendship ring,

being loved by someone will determine my worth,

I no longer feel small next to the kitchen counter,

but in the presence of everyone around me,

“Forever” loses its meaning,

everyone will eventually leave,

death is no longer a myth,

I will not smile as often as I did,

I will not cry as little as I did,

I will not feel safe in school anymore,

I will not go outside and play anymore,

I will try and pick the imperfections off of 

my skin until it is red and bleeding,

**** in my stomach whenever I walk,

work myself into exhaustion,

feel overwhelmed by every task,

have anxiety attacks in public places,

and wish that I was a child again.

ECHO'S

There's something so powerful 

about looking up at the night sky 

and knowing that all the mistakes you made today and yesterday are gone. 

At the end of the day 

you are still 

a galaxy 

within 

a galaxy.

OBLIVION

It was started on April 2019

I met her, I fall in love with her

1929

A number that was have a difference life

I admit that I don't want to do this, but everything was so heavy right now..

I can't hold it much any longer

Every obstacle that I passed were so painful, but ya.. I love this pain :)

for you, who doesn't know about my feeling right now..

I won't give up, I want to tried to do more..

Neverthless, I want you to come back to my life.

I won't survive..

Please why :')

Bee Stings

                                  アイネクライネ

I'm truly happy to have

met you,

But everything seemed full of sadness like usual

Now the painfully happy memories

Stroll as they rear the farewells that will someday come

Then, I'd want to become a stone instead of

Snatching someone's place and living in their stead

If that's the case there wouldn't be any misunderstanding or confusion

And you'll go on like that without noticing

Even though I want to tell you all of my thoughts,

I lie saying that there are secrets that can't be told to anyone

I'm such a coward, way more than you think

Why...

Then if you lose your place and wander around,

I'd want someone to become a substitute for you

Modestly pretending to really not see it,

We'll definitely repeat it as we laugh together

No matter how many times I swear, no matter how many times I pray, I get these miserable dreams

Where a small distortion eventually engulfs and consumes you completely

I'm so horribly unworthy, way more than you think

I don't know why...

Please, I wish that the nights where we can't ever overcome them are defeated,

And the days where our hands are linked go on

Radiantly coloring even closed eyelids,

I wonder what I can do for that?

I wonder if I call out your name again and you looking back at me in the same time

In that moment when I was lost,

I cried out, " I want to disappear "

After that I was always searching

For you who I'll meet in time

If there's lasting sadness and torn seams with you

With how happy I am I can laugh and say " that's all fine "

Everything in front of my eyes blur and melt away

A flood of miracles just isn't enough

Since you called out my name

I wonder if I call out your name again..

Stuck in the moment.

Help me..

A number 29 doesn't match for 19

Ily, can't stop, can't move on:')