I don't actually know what's going on right now
Everything is just completely blurry for me.
A lot's of things happened and everything going so fast.
I didn't know what was wrong or what was right
I just lose everything and I didn't know what I supposed to do.
I didn't know what somehow called a wise decision and it would gonna be tough for me.
I don't know what to expect, I didn't see if there's still a light and I didn't know anything.
I love you so, 25 July 2021.
I was weak just because to find where's your love
Am I worthy or just worthless..
Believe it or not, I already set it from the start that I love you with my clearly mind and there's nothing wrong about my feelings cause I gave it all so genuinely even if we're just met for a while and so randomly but I never playing around with my feelings.
2 year's was just enough for me to chill and survive from my traumatic.
And with you, I set everything that I was so ready to give my love again cause I trust and believe that you are the right person.
There's just a few questions..
Am I loved or just in a day dreaming:'
How lucky I am that makes saying good bye as a hardest thing.
Life causes upside down, what comes around goes around.
It wouldn't change for what is lose that will gone.
Would be the pain can make everything feels so enough? That should be, if there's no scars that can't heal.
Someone say's that self healing could be the way to moved on from the stage of grief.
I never think that could be the way to escape from those feeling and could heal the wound it self.
Am I a loner? I just wanted a genuine things that can accept me for whatever I had.
It's kinda worse isn't?
Know you were there, here were I am.
Wrote a nonsene clingy things like a real retarded.
Just say it, if you just already know that I'm doing this and you don't like it, just say it.
Realizing that I'm full of a freakin act, there might be you tried to stay away cause you don't want to take any risk by knowing me like this.
I already put my life in this thoughts.
I'm just gonna end this.
So sorry, whoever you read this I feel sorry.
Iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou :')
Rejected.
Someone said " follow your heart " . I did and I got broken.
Silence bounced, fell off my tongue and clogged my throat. It slaughtered my trust, it tore cigarettes out of my mouth.
I tried to exchanged blind words and I did not cry,
I did not beg but blackness filled my ears, lunged in my heart and something that had been good a sort of kindly oxygen turned into a gas oven.
No need to play the game but seriously, I want something genuine if I should struggling my self.
I'm not gonna leave, I'll just put my feelings towards to you behind the back door without you noticing it.
I love you, you're just the only one who can understand the full of me. I better start to say my grace for praying that I won't fall again, cause there would be no one like you do.
The more I want to say it to someone, it's drained me more than a lot of tears by thinking and realizing that I don't have any someone to share with.
Pathetic, pitiful and here's what the painfully meaning is.
My mind come to the conclusion like what the main character on the story thinking how to face it.
Like what they say about the vulgar masses.
" The more people flock to a group, the more foolish they become. "
No matter how prominent an individual is, the prominent that he would be blotted out by the sheer force of numbers when thrown into that lump of people.
Individual will, qualifications, and personality, let alone emotions aren’t considered at all.
We see only what we want to see, listen only to what we want to listen to, but for the things we want to say, we aren’t able to. This is the society that we’re living in right now.
