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Unrequited love, 03.50 AM

 

Iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyou :')

Sugarcoat.

Rejected.

Someone said " follow your heart " . I did and I got broken.

Silence bounced, fell off my tongue and clogged my throat. It slaughtered my trust, it tore cigarettes out of my mouth.

I tried to exchanged blind words and I did not cry,
I did not beg but blackness filled my ears, lunged in my heart and something that had been good a sort of kindly oxygen turned into a gas oven.

No need to play the game but seriously, I want something genuine if I should struggling my self.

I'm not gonna leave, I'll just put my feelings towards to you behind the back door without you noticing it.

I love you, you're just the only one who can understand the full of me. I better start to say my grace for praying that I won't fall again, cause there would be no one like you do.

09 November 2020

I cried, thinkin out loud from how many bad things happened today.

The more I want to say it to someone, it's drained me more than a lot of tears by thinking and realizing that I don't have any someone to share with. 

Pathetic, pitiful and here's what the painfully meaning is.

My mind come to the conclusion like what the main character on the story thinking how to face it.

Like what they say about the vulgar masses.

" The more people flock to a group, the more foolish they become. "

No matter how prominent an individual is, the prominent that he would be blotted out by the sheer force of numbers when thrown into that lump of people.

Individual will, qualifications, and personality, let alone emotions aren’t considered at all.

We see only what we want to see, listen only to what we want to listen to, but for the things we want to say, we aren’t able to. This is the society that we’re living in right now.

Arose

 

Should I write what IF story of my life?

Masalalu & masa depan.

Keduanya tidak dapat dipisahkan dan selalu saling berhubungan.

Bagaimana caramu untuk memperbaiki masalalu mu yg gagal itu?

Apakah masa depan itu benar bagian dari masa lalu?

Apa yang kau petik, itu yang kau tanam. Bukankah begitu?

Fogbound

Help me leave this all behind

It was never be the same And it's bothered me.

The farther we drift apart, the more awkward it gets

The more time goes by, the more life happens.

And we gotta be men, we got responsibilities

Plus we don't say how we feel, and I feel like this is what got us in.

I'ma wash away my sins

I'ma rinse away this dirt

I forgot to make amends

To someone I may have hurt

I better stop and say my grace

From that I pray that I don't fall.

Dunia

Batin gua pengen nangis ini. Selalu

ผมครับ

                               

       Here I am, torn into a thousand ways I know.
I've been missing a long time, I know I had to move.
I've been waiting my whole life.
Did you know I wanted you? Are you killing me slowly?
Go take your fuckin' time
I promise I won't lie if I had you one more in a once life, I'll make it out alive.
    I'm on trial, I'm not so good at hiding lonesome truths. 
You can see it on my face when I turn blue.
Is this a punishment? Oh god, I know what I'm doing in the past but why? 
I was a trial when I'm hanging on it.            
    I've tried to love what should I love and I've treated myself that well.
I want to live in this present. Like did was gone will change to here I am, I'm doing a good things and I'm going to love my self more better.

    A bitter life couldn't change into a sweetness of sugar that you put into a tea to make it sweet. but the sweetness caused by an anxiety that you had to make the taste good like your dream in the particular moment. Despaired

Re : Who did? II

I've tried to move on from everything but damn! What the fck this about, it's feels like I already sold my soul for someone Now I'm embarrassed my self with a nonsensical thing and thoughts. Fck off, I'm trying to offend my self from thisrather to be opened to someone. Something are so unexpected than I thought, I'm choosing to live fast and die young God,the virus is just already injected isn't it? My sins, who did?

Re : Who did

        You wondering why I act this way, never shoulda gave you the time of day
Guess you know what time it is now,
There musta been a gust of wind, cause you change your mind
Everytime it blows and you just changed it a motherf-king again
You just said you just wanted some d-k 'fore I stuck it in
I wouldn't have been such a prick to you, f-king men
You say you don't trust 'em
Why do I hear the sound of toilets flushing, some shit is going down
You must have just not have been truthful from the start
See for me it’d be nothing to say you never had my heart but I’d be lying
Fcking see why they call this bullshit a relationship, ships sink
And you know it's love as soon as you fall in it cause shit stinks
And it feels like everytime I fcking do I get jinxed
Cupid must have put a curse on me
3 weeks have went by and we only spoke twice
I’m sitting in your car and talk about something sht
Suffice I think it's safe to say you’re not at home
I’m calling your cell phone you answer but I can tell though
That you're not alone how was I to know
It shoulda been time to go a long time ago, I kept holding on
It's comical when I think back now why I couldn't get the hint
That payment is overdue, I overcame odds to get even
The sober me is shitting all over the un-sober you and I hope they play this in every club that you going to. I’m haunting you bitch everywhere you turn I'm following you
Cause I loved you with every ounce of me, you know it's true
It's killing you now, I hope the ho dies slow in you
It's cause of you now I don’t trust ‘em at all, fuck 'em, middle finger up
I’m gonna just keep grabbing my balls, cup 'em
I’ll never fall again, I trip on stairs, I fall up 'em