Arose

 

Should I write what IF story of my life?

Masalalu & masa depan.

Keduanya tidak dapat dipisahkan dan selalu saling berhubungan.

Bagaimana caramu untuk memperbaiki masalalu mu yg gagal itu?

Apakah masa depan itu benar bagian dari masa lalu?

Apa yang kau petik, itu yang kau tanam. Bukankah begitu?

Fogbound

Help me leave this all behind

It was never be the same And it's bothered me.

The farther we drift apart, the more awkward it gets

The more time goes by, the more life happens.

And we gotta be men, we got responsibilities

Plus we don't say how we feel, and I feel like this is what got us in.

I'ma wash away my sins

I'ma rinse away this dirt

I forgot to make amends

To someone I may have hurt

I better stop and say my grace

From that I pray that I don't fall.

Dunia

Batin gua pengen nangis ini. Selalu

ผมครับ

                               

       Here I am, torn into a thousand ways I know.
I've been missing a long time, I know I had to move.
I've been waiting my whole life.
Did you know I wanted you? Are you killing me slowly?
Go take your fuckin' time
I promise I won't lie if I had you one more in a once life, I'll make it out alive.
    I'm on trial, I'm not so good at hiding lonesome truths. 
You can see it on my face when I turn blue.
Is this a punishment? Oh god, I know what I'm doing in the past but why? 
I was a trial when I'm hanging on it.            
    I've tried to love what should I love and I've treated myself that well.
I want to live in this present. Like did was gone will change to here I am, I'm doing a good things and I'm going to love my self more better.

    A bitter life couldn't change into a sweetness of sugar that you put into a tea to make it sweet. but the sweetness caused by an anxiety that you had to make the taste good like your dream in the particular moment. Despaired

Re : Who did? II

I've tried to move on from everything but damn! What the fck this about, it's feels like I already sold my soul for someone Now I'm embarrassed my self with a nonsensical thing and thoughts. Fck off, I'm trying to offend my self from thisrather to be opened to someone. Something are so unexpected than I thought, I'm choosing to live fast and die young God,the virus is just already injected isn't it? My sins, who did?

Re : Who did

        You wondering why I act this way, never shoulda gave you the time of day
Guess you know what time it is now,
There musta been a gust of wind, cause you change your mind
Everytime it blows and you just changed it a motherf-king again
You just said you just wanted some d-k 'fore I stuck it in
I wouldn't have been such a prick to you, f-king men
You say you don't trust 'em
Why do I hear the sound of toilets flushing, some shit is going down
You must have just not have been truthful from the start
See for me it’d be nothing to say you never had my heart but I’d be lying
Fcking see why they call this bullshit a relationship, ships sink
And you know it's love as soon as you fall in it cause shit stinks
And it feels like everytime I fcking do I get jinxed
Cupid must have put a curse on me
3 weeks have went by and we only spoke twice
I’m sitting in your car and talk about something sht
Suffice I think it's safe to say you’re not at home
I’m calling your cell phone you answer but I can tell though
That you're not alone how was I to know
It shoulda been time to go a long time ago, I kept holding on
It's comical when I think back now why I couldn't get the hint
That payment is overdue, I overcame odds to get even
The sober me is shitting all over the un-sober you and I hope they play this in every club that you going to. I’m haunting you bitch everywhere you turn I'm following you
Cause I loved you with every ounce of me, you know it's true
It's killing you now, I hope the ho dies slow in you
It's cause of you now I don’t trust ‘em at all, fuck 'em, middle finger up
I’m gonna just keep grabbing my balls, cup 'em
I’ll never fall again, I trip on stairs, I fall up 'em

The Finale : Suicide

Tonight I am a poet using words to express you
(as if I could find the rhyme or reason of you)

Tonight I am a painter making brushstrokes to capture the look of you(as if I could bring the colour back to you)

Tonight I am a musician playing the heartbeat of you

(as if I could find the rhythm of you)

Tonight I am a sculptor carving the touch and hold of you
(as if I could breathe the blood back into you)

 Tonight I am a dancer flying through space the eagle part of you

(as if I could fly off and be with you)

Tonight I am a perfume maker mixing up the smell of you
(as if I could capture the essence of you) 

Tonight I am a witch wildly dancing under the moon for you
(as if I could invoke the very spirit of you)

Tonight I am a mother crying a mother’s tears for you
(as if I could ever fill the gaping chasm of you)
 Tonight I feel so very small by the enormous loss of you

Good bye cruel world, I won't probably say thanks for having a long life like this.

Instantly emptying

I broke up with myself I don't know who I am I'm mentally stressed and tired Lonely asf and numb and empty, and honesty just need a big hug. I'm so lonely dat when people try to talk to me it gets in my nerves or i think they're just doing it out of port or something. Nobody cares.. Sorry just had to get dat out. I can help others but not myself. In a constant empty mindset. At the point where i don't care if live or die tbh...

BLISSFUL OBLIVION

I often wish that I was still a child.

So many things change when we grow up.

Innocence becomes lost,

days become shorter,

the nighttime still scares me,

playing house becomes a game of survival,

boys become men, men become frightening,

I become sad, worried, anxious, and self-aware,

friends will lose their half of the necklace or their friendship ring,

being loved by someone will determine my worth,

I no longer feel small next to the kitchen counter,

but in the presence of everyone around me,

“Forever” loses its meaning,

everyone will eventually leave,

death is no longer a myth,

I will not smile as often as I did,

I will not cry as little as I did,

I will not feel safe in school anymore,

I will not go outside and play anymore,

I will try and pick the imperfections off of 

my skin until it is red and bleeding,

**** in my stomach whenever I walk,

work myself into exhaustion,

feel overwhelmed by every task,

have anxiety attacks in public places,

and wish that I was a child again.

ECHO'S

There's something so powerful 

about looking up at the night sky 

and knowing that all the mistakes you made today and yesterday are gone. 

At the end of the day 

you are still 

a galaxy 

within 

a galaxy.